Tadabbur and What It Does To Me

Assalamualaikum,

Alhamdulillah for this chance to write here again.

Tadabbur, what is tadabbur? I have been hearing about tadabbur and intrigued to join since a few years already. I joined a few communities like Aida Azlin, Bulatan Gembira, etc. But let's be honest here, it never sticks to me. My soul keeps running away (?)

Until last December. I saw a post by Ayesha Syahira about her private group Tadabbur open for 10 person only. I was thinking, "why not?" So I signed up her class with nothing to expect. I mean, I don't know what will I learn from this. Secretly, I'm praying that Allah SWT help me, cause I know I need it.

The first class, Cikgu Ayesha explains the concept of her tadabbur class, the first surah that we will learn which is At-Takwir (Penggulungan). I love her method. She provided a PDF file for the surah and we will learn each ayah and do each reflection. It fits my way of learning, I really enjoy it!

Now, it's already March. which means the third month of participating in tadabbur! I can't believe I manage to stick to it! InshaaAllah, I do want to stay in this circle for long long time! Doing tadabbur is not just a matter of learning the meaning behind every ayah in Quran. It makes us go deeper and darker. It brings out the worst side of me, which in all honesty make me feel worst like "Dang it, I am too sinful for this. I sin too much, I'm gonna be in Hell." But guess what? The more we learn, and no matter how awful we feel, my assurance is growing a little. I feel like I can do this. I may be lacking a lot of thing, but Allah SWT knows every little thing about me. My sins, my good deed, my shame, my hope. He is always here <3

Maybe I will share my reflection here in the future. It's a good way to keep this blog alive isn't it? :D

Till then,

Syaheera :)